i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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