if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
