woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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