The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
