Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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