Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
nutella sex= disaster
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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