Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
