Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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