He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
