i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
