When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
