a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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