You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
