Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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