Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
