He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
