So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
