Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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