i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
