As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
