his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
