You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
