I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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