I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
