Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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