Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
