Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
should my penis look like a turkey
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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