Will you blow on my dice?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
