I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
