i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
