She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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