I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
