and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
