Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
