I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize