I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize