remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
pray to the hookup gods
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
