Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
