I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
