Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
