I think i peed on brittanys purse
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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