I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize