Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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