Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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