You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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