fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
