Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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