My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
