so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
