His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
