I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
being pregnant is like rehab
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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