it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Never underestimate the power of titties
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
