You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
