When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
