brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
