the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
