We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We don't watch enough power rangers
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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