I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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