last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize