Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
