I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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