I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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