we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
