I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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