When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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