So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
